My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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