It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
