HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
