I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
