You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
