i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
