Me too!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
