clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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