The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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