ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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