How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
