Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
