I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
