my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
