nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
