Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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