Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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