dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
