Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she looked like the before picture.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
