Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
