Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
