How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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