Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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