I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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