The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize