Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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