It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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