my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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