My brain says no but my pants say off.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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