note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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