Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
