Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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