idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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