i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
