I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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