New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
