the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
