I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I am naked and annoyed.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
