the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
soo... how was my night?
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