what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
