i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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