Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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