he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
