:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
