I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
