Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
