It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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