Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
