I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I understand Curling. That high.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
