ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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