I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize