I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
