I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
