I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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