Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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