The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
