you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize