Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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