Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
farters have to be the big spoon...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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