she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
