and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
