Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
