well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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