there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
