i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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