At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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