things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
