I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
