No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
