I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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