Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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