And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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