insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
