I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
