Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So much rum. So many feels.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
