So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
