Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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