We got so high we made milksteak
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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