Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
