If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
