if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize