clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
