farters have to be the big spoon...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Be still, my beating vagina.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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